excited tak terhingga :)

KL...yess im in kl.the place that i miss like crazyy!

mom agreed to let me come in earlier so i can meet my hubby :) and settle d stuff for graduation :P

KL is d same .just makin byk jalan2 n its moreee confusing than ever..
graduation is on d 5th
mom and dad coming on d 3rd !! (wish sis could come too..:( but she's workin i knooow )
crazy guppies and salmon coming on d 29th..will take our robe and reunion crazineess togetheeerr!!!
1st is d rehearsal. :)

aarrghhh im sooo excited with this whooleee thing..meeting hubby. meeting my small "family" :D ..being in um..again..and having fuN wt ma small family.yes d crazy bunch! exciteeed..exciteeeed :)

altho...panggilan utk posting is still ...pending
so screw that ! im just gonna have fun whiLe i can..:)

see u crazy bunch soon xoxo :)

grateful. ;)

its midnight. just in the mood to type.

im excited and happy happy me! cuz i just re-decorate my room. again

hehe noow its muuch mucch better..more spacious ! and i just loovee it..:)

now i have simba by my side. yes she dont mind im typing like crazy n d music. she is still sleeping like a baby! hehe well d only thing or well...person is my sis. 2moro she's coming....hoyeaaah cant wait. h0pe evrything will go smoothly for her journey. mudahan selamat semuanya amiin...:)

well..now masih tunggu posting. i dont mind..dapat cepat syukur alhamdulillah..dpt lmbt skit..its ok i will wait..:) tp jgn la lambat sgt smp tahun depaaan heheh...

today..well dah lama dh sbenarnya.. i've been thinking.. bout future..

looking at d ppl around me..makes me think a lot.

1)Life: well maybe when we were younger..we plan n think that life will go smoothly..(yep! cuz we still dont know how hard life can be!) .we plan to get married by this age, to work by this age, settle down by this age..live with our parents..or near them..bla bla bla.. but what if none of it are going according to plan..!? what if u plan to get married by 25 but at 24 u still dont even have a bf ! what if u get engaged but after 1 or 2 yrs 2gether..u break up..! so there goes d plan..ruin! then..what shud we do..? freak out..? or start planning a new PLAN for life..? what if we dont get the job that we like. at d place that we hate? how do we get out of it..? or we wud just surrender and accept d fate?

2) Love and Marriage: love..well..sometimes luck will not be on our side..not everyone will end up marrying their college sweetheart, their first love..or their true love..some just get married to someone who love them and can take care of them. so what if..d person we plan and imagine to get married to..and spend our life with..cheat or leave us or just..love is not there anymore..? hurmm...even marriage.. we have the idea that..yeah! once we are married. thats it. its complete..we will live happily ever after. buuut... did u notice..there are many couples who end up in divorce? some even was left by their husbands..or was a victim of domestic abuse.. we didnt prepare ourselves for this..right? we didnt think it will happen to us.. but what if our 'oh so happy' life n marriage end up in divorce? or d husband dies... huh it makes me wonder and think.. what if it happens to me.. what will i do..! ouh . Ya Allah.. mintak simpang la.. i just want to live a n0rmal happy life like evryone else.

seeing my grandma and my late grandfather..from both my parents side..makes me think and smile.. how many of us.. akan dapat kahwin and live together until we are old.. and take care of each other when we get sick..not all marriage will last that long kan.. even org tua2 diorg x tunjuk romantik..but how they stick with their partner thru thick n thin..is just amazing ! i was amazed when my nenek.. at her old age..and penat..really want to stay by my atok's side...always.. cuz she said..atok nanti carik if she is not by his side. atok was sick.. she will hurry to get to atok and get him what he wants. althou she when she was so tired. and i was like..thinking...

and same for atok, if nenek is sick, with cough or sumthin.. he will buy medicine without nenek having to ask, and atok will try really hard to get d best medicine for nenek..he will go to many clinics or farmacies to get the right one. .

and then it struck me" will i get someone that can love me..love me until im old..? and can i love someone and be by his side till d day he die?

aaahh i believe my grandparents are the lucky ones among millions out there..where they get to love each other, get married, grow old together and be by each other's side till death do them..apart..

i wish. i hope and i want a love like that

i want to be able to love someone . not only in good conditions. but even when bad things. bad situations are happening

i want someone to love me. care for me. until d day i die . and im sure. i can do d same..:)

ops. all this babbling doesnt mean im thinking to get married soon or anything! puhleeezz i still wanna enjoy my not-married life! hehe :p

insyaAllah.. for me..i surrender..to fate.. i believe Allah SWT has the best plan for us.. even h0w hard we try to fight or how baaad we really want something

if Allah swt says its not for us, then maybe there are good reasons behind it

as i believe everything..every single thing happen f0r a reason..:)

as for now...im just praying to Allah swt. to give me the best that i can have..

the best school for me to teach.. the best place for me to live..the best guy for me..and the best life for me to have and insyaallah i will just accept it all..

whatever i get.. insyaallah thats d best for me.. positive fa! be positive !

for now...all i wanna say is syukur alhamdulillah..kepada Allah swt for every single people and thing he gave me..i have a big wonderful family. friends that are so amazing and supportive..a guy that loves me, care for me and makes me happy, and insyaAllah soon i will get to teach in school. a teacher at last! syukur alhamdulillah atas semua nikmatnya.. amiin.. im so thankful and grateful. thats all i wanna say. hope everyone else are happy with their life too.. :) wish the best for everyone. amin

ok got to sleep now.

sahur in few hours

goodnight all

xoxo -sukahati-fafa-

nervous

holaaaa...its almost hari raya. semingg ja lagi puasa..
i'm all excited..well not for raya actually
but excited to see my sis and bGila sama2!
also excited for d r0ad trip balik kampuuung..wohooo..:)
and meeting aaaalll my cousins n family there..
but the sad thing is. its d first raya. without atok.. :(
hurmmm its gonna be hard for all of us. we just want to be there for nenek. .
hurmm..

oh ya! one thing yg buat hati tersentap ! n rasa nk muntaah!!
i heard . maybe we will know where we will be teaching this week !!
maybe its just rumours or what but still it makes my heart jumps!!
Ya Allaaaaaah..rasa seram sejok trus.. cuz if this week or next week tau negeri mana dpt..i think in september..we will have to lapor diri
and tu yg malas tuh..nk pk byk bendaaa..rumah lg.transport g skolah lagik..hayaarkhh..
hurmm...Ya Allah...tempatkanlah aku di sekolah yg tbaik untukku
mudah2an all my friends also will get the places they wish for...
insyaAllah.. redha ja la for now..i really2 dooaaa dapat labuan..
so so nervous. bleh doa banyak2 ja skarang..
@_@ wish me luck!

xoxo -sukahati fafa-

what if. . .

what if this time....FATE is not on our side ?

what if. . this time. . i'm gonna be test again ?

what if this time. you are just borrowed to me. for a while. .?

but what if i don't want to give you back or let you go?

what if ...i can't face this challenger or test. . and i choose to be weak ?

and what if. .i believe fate will one day be with us. . and i'm willing to wait ?

what if ...i believe you are the one for me..? and i don't want to believe in anything else?

BUT what if. . i'm just in denial. .?

what if. . these are signs. .for me to stop. and move on. . or continue and be strong?

what if. . i choose to live in my own world. . in fantasy. . cuz i really want to have you?

but what will happen..when reality knocks my world and YOU are not part of my world anymore. . ?

and...what if.. i'm up for it..to face the challenges. . and u dont?

or..maybe. . i'm not ready for it but you are. .

what if..i'm holding to u sooo tight. but you are slowly letting go?

or..maybe..i am slipping of from ur hands. . ?

what if. . this. . all of this. . are just meant to be. . the memories that will be in our hearts. forever. BUT just as MEMORIES , not more than that. .

a lot in my mind. what if...maybe...bla bla bla

just spinning in my head. these thoughts. .

i dont know. . that to do about it.

x0x0

so far. . so good . .

it was so fun being home . . . tho its boring at times and i really wish i will be posting sooooon... but still i love it here ! got my parents around. . :) my cousins that share the same craziness! hehe and alsoo d new skuter...altho i dont have the legal license yet, but setakat naik motor nearby..i can ! it excites me ! hehe and if i need to go somewhere far with d skuter, my cousin dilah is always here. and we will go jalan2 together..:P

and now...cuz my aunts have a small kedai runcit and kedai soto near my house.. i started selling air buah, or kuih pulut mangkuk for this ramadhan.. altho jual sikit2 ja.. but it really makes me happy ! something i do everyday..and looking forward towards it.. and syukur alhamdulillah so far whatever i sell, habis org beli.. heheee...best2!! the profit is not much la. besides im doing this for fun, but the feeling i get when someone buy it and i get to put the thing in a plastic, and hand it over..aaaaahhh..i get aallll excited about it..:P lame huh? hehe who caresss it makes me happy..plus it makes me get off my mind from thinking..negative thoughts..

now.. its almost 2 weeks after my atok pass away. .:(

i miss him dearly, and i can see mom miss him so much too, and hari raya is coming.. it makes it much worse..but now everyone is holding on, being strong. . redha..cuz its fate.. hurmm...insyaAllah my family and i will be going back to tawau for eid, cuz we dont want nenek to feel the lost of atok during raya..and the haappyyy thing is that almost aaalll of my mum's siblings will be in tawau for eid too..:D so its gonna be soo many of us, almost 40. hectic hectic ! but yeah its once a year so im soo looking forward to this..

x lama lagi.we will be leaving bulan ramadhan yg mulia. . hope everyone is doing gooood..puasa jgn x puasa...who knows this will be our last ramadhan.. @_@ huhu

oh yeah ! sis is coming next week! cant wait !! :) miss her sooo much cuz usually she is d crazy one making crazy sick jokes ! hehemissing d guppies and crazy friends back in UM..hah. first ramadhan away from them. first raya without them. usually after d raya holiday we will bring some kuih raya n share it . aaah...miss u guys n gurls s00oo much !!!plus ! its almost 2 months now..being away from my boo..:) i miss him dearly..no doubt about that. . but insyaallah we will meet up soon. rite sayang !! wishing u a bless ramadhan and a happy2 eid with ur family :Dthats all. a lot in my mind, but..later when i have the time i will jot it down here..:p

muax muax much loVe~sukahati-fafa~

happy birthday , Boo .

today. its my sayang's birthday
a shout out to u honey
Happy birthdaaaaay...this year no surprise party for u..no cakes..no jalan2...
cuz ur so faaar away from me baby :(
but i hope u enjoy ur birthday with ur family ...although i think u wont be celebrating it since its ramadhan anyway
i wish u all d happiness..success in ur future..good health..success in ur studies and life baby

i mish mish ya...
muax ! happy birthday !

another lost. i love you, atok

hello...
baru sudah bbuka puasa...sungkai..harini sungkai sorg2...
mom n stepdad..went back to tawau....because..
atok pass away last night..:( innalillah..
x sangka2..last night uncle call n drop the bomb..telling atok sudah xda..
hurmm...he has been sick for almost 2 months..and its heartbreaking to see him in weak condition...and to add things he didnt eat or drink that much..so it makes him weaker
akhirnya atok pergi jg..kami semua berserah..redha..sbb ini smua mesti ketentuan dr Allah swt. atok pergi di bulan ramadhan yg mulia ni..
atok smpat jmpa semua anak2...all my aunts n uncles sempat jmpa atok..jaga atok..syukur alhamdulillah..and i myself jg smpat jaga atok n spend time with him when he was in d hospital and at home..
x sangka..x smpt raya ngan atok.. hurmm.:(
kesian nenek msti sunyi without atok..ya Allah berikanlah kekuatan utk nenek hadapi smua ini..berikanlah kami semua kekuatan..:(
mom n stepdad went to tawau early this morning..and im here..at h0me..
i want to go to tawau also..but cuz of such rush..mom decide better just both of them go..hurmm im fine with that...insyaallah raya nanti balik tawau..boleh lawat kubur atok..:(
ya Allah...kau tempatkan lah atok di dalam syurgamu...berilah ketenangan pada rohnya ya Allah dan tempatkanlah atok dikalangan org2 yg beriman.. amiin...

2 years ! Hit it baby !

heeey heeey... selamat berpuasa
syukuuur alhamdulillah ..ramadhan dtg lg tahun ni.
compared to the past 6 years..ramadhan was spent with my friends all around but this year im lucky to be able to spend it with my family. mom n my stepdad..wish sis is here to in labuan but its ok..:) so selamat berpuasa to all ! i miss my friends already. all the crazy ramadhan we have together ;) wish u gurls n guys are in good health to welcome ramadhan.... amin

2moro gotta wake up at 4 for sahur! excited ! hehe biasa la first day puasa hehe
so gotta tuck in bed early tonite
before that..i just feel like..i wanna blog..

oh ya..yesterday. marks 2 years of me n my sayang. loving each other chewaah hehe
happy 2 yrs anniversary hun! wish we can be together n celebrate. do the normal things we do.movies.chilling . talking. shisha..:p
i love u boo, thanks for the wonderfuuul, happy...funny 2 years we've been together.
u make me wanna be a better person...:) i hope there are yearsss to come for us ..
missing him soo so bad now.. he's back in riyadh to be with his family. maybe we will meet again in september..aight boo..?? insyaAllah..amiiin...really looking forward for it...this date. last 2 years. klcc park. i wont forget that :) muaaaah hugs n kisses for u hun .. u are always there by my side..ALWAYS....thru thick n thin.. and i love u for that..:D muah

ouh ya. moving on. im basically jobless now.. yeah. waiting for our posting.wheereee will i be posted. i hope in labuan..insyaallah.amiin...or somewhere at least nice to live...and nice school with gooooood pupils hehe...insyaAllah i'm praying for the best...

hurmmm..ok im not sleepy yet. gonna watch some glee...look at some oold pics of me n my loveliieeesss and then off to sleep. ouh niat puasa jgn lupa fa! hehe nite bye ! muax